turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize