i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
