ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
