all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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