I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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