six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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