I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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