Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
