you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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