I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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