ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
