I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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