I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
