I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
