I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
