Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
