I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we're making bets on your personal life
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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