They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
