remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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