apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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