Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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