tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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