Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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