never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
