Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
