so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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