Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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