I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
