I want to walk on stilts...naked
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
