Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
