my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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