I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
