she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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