well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
