dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
its not stalking. its research.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
