Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
