sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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