Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
