are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
