just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
