You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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