shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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