I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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