So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
