Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
