Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
