i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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