no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize