and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
