how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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