Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
