I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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