That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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