We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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