life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
