I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
