i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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