Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
