In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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