she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
