Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
