remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
