My hand turned me down
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
