ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
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worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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