Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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