Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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