he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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