marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
