how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
