stop calling my apartment porn island.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
