everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
